Just Ain't the Same

I stepped foot into my childhood home this morning
Looked to my left
Looked to my right
Honestly things just don't seem right
The rooms seem smaller
The wallpaper sad
The pictures on the wall of good times past
It just ain't the same

There's no bed in my room
Just a computer with a chair
The old piano in the corner covered with dust and despair
The dog has gnawed the corners of the door
The dog has no name cus I've never met him before
Instead of a full Sunday meal that I'm accustomed to
I see pizza boxes and chinese takeout because mom's too tired to cook
It just ain't the same

I know that things will always change
But parents take care of kids
And kids take care of their parents
I wanna do better for my mom
Home just ain't the same but it sho ain't better

It's time for me to do something

Patience

"I'm like a bad doctor. I'm about to lose all my patients."
That was your line
That was my favorite
And then I lost it all
It was supposed to be a line
It was supposed to be my favorite
But it was a precursor to everything you would do
You lost all patience for me
For my relationship
For my words
For my songs
For my heart
For my will to belong
On the drop of a dime
With my drop of one line
In the e-mail I wrote
"Are we friends?"
You lost it all
No response did I hear
For nearly 6 months and everyone says
We've been too close to give it all up
But when it comes down to it I was just like you
I loved that line because it was how I felt
I knew there was one more chance for you to make things up
For you to suck things up
And be my friend
For you to stop your lies
For you to meet my true romance
For you to look him straight in the eyes and know that he's my man
But you dipped and dodged with your excuses
You acted like being there would be useless
You took away every option there was to meet
So when I asked you if you were my friend
I was already the bad doctor
I had already been caught
I was sitting in court for malpractice
I was ready to lose it all
So that day I confessed
I lost all my patients...all my patience
For you

When I Wander in my Wonder

I gave love a try and it gave its best back to me
It gave me the truth
It gave me everything I never had
It gave me trust
It gave me everything I was missing
I am definite in who will be there for the indefinite
We're at that point where this could be forever
Once I say "I do" I won't, I can't back away from that
I know this is true because I prayed for you
The very first night that I looked into your eyes
That I got my chance for romance and caught you with a dance
I prayed for you
It's so funny because you already knew me
You already knew my worries
You already knew my fears
But you didn't use them against me
You used yourself to make me stronger
You made me cry to make me stronger
You let go to make me stronger
You closed the door to make me stronger
And I can't thank you enough for that
But when the tears dried, you came back into my life, and the door reopened
I wasn't even sure if I should walk back through it
I wasn't even sure if you knew what you had done to me
I didn't hate you
I had prayed for you
I wanted to thank you
Because I saw the depths of me
I saw how I could be by myself
I saw how the people that really matter never let go
I saw how I had an equal hand
I saw where I could be with another man
I saw everything I could have
But I wondered if this relationship was meant to be
But when I wander in my wonder...
I always seem to find you and me

Life Story

"Like Ray Charles and Johnny Cash...they knew it would be their last"- Inspired by how both Ray Charles and Johnny Cash died when their life stories were made into films

If I tell you my life story, it can't be the end for me.
If I share all my secrets, will you still wake up next to me?
I can tell you bout my pain and how my daddy is gone.
I can tell you bout these hunger pains and how they just keep comin on
But if I tell you my life story, promise you won't turn away

Many times we ask hard questions but want easy answers
You want black or white, yes or no
But what I feel is grey or maybe so
"Did you love him"…baby yeah, but not like you
"Are you thinking of him"… baby no, he's just not you
I can tell you the truth of the matter, but your heart might truly shatter

I loved before you, and lost at times
I've been beaten and nearly lost my mind
I never told anybody this before
Everyday I'll open my heart and soul
But if I tell you my life story, promise you won't turn away from me.

You keep askin bout what he did
How he made me smile, how he made me grin
You wanna know what he did wrong
You wanna know what broke us up
But if I tell you my life story, it can't be the end for me

I loved before you and lost at times
I've been beaten and nearly lost my mind
I never told anybody this before
Everyday I'll open my heart and soul
But if I tell you my life story, promise you won't turn away from me.

Send Me A Prayer

~for my sis

I saw your picture today
Your eyes said that things weren't ok
Called mom and told her my fears
She said that you hadn't had much to say
She said that I should try calling more
Maybe we could open a new door
I tried but with no response
She told me you were just one prayer away

Somebody send me a prayer
I need my angel
Somebody tell me you care
I need her song
Somebody send me a prayer
Didn't know how much I'd miss her
Just know I'm crying cus she's not here
Somebody send me a prayer

Carousel

The carousel never stops turning
Makes you wonder if you’re really learning
Took so long to get on
Now you can’t get gone
Because the carousel never stops turning

When I was young thought I knew everything
Didn’t wanna see that all things change
Wanted to grow up
Do all the grown up stuff
And just jump on that carousel

The first time I rode it seemed amazing
But with that ride comes something a little bit crazy
School, cars, and men
Money to spend
All because I stepped on that carousel

I’m doing good
Although confused
I’m feeling good
Although sometimes used
I’m talking good
Although I’m sad sometimes
I’m walking good
Because I have to survive

The carousel never stops turning

Baby If I Go

~Written for a guy that was cheated on

Baby if I go
I won’t have to hurt no more
Baby if I stay
You can hurt me again that way
Baby I’m a fool
To think that this love will last
Baby you’re so cruel
Makin’ a man break down this bad
So I try and I beg to let you go
But my heart and my head just struggle
So I dig deep in my heart to find what’s lost
And wonder if I’m willing to pay the cost
I’ve always said “Fool me once, shame on you”
“Fool me twice, shame on me”
I’d never let a woman break me down
With cheating plans that I have found
I never once lied to you
But you stared at me and played so cool
How do I know that things will change
When you continue to play these games
I want you to know that I love you so
But a little lie continues to grow
I wanna stay so bad, but my heart is aching
I wanna leave so bad there’s no mistaking
Apologies don’t heal a broken heart
Maybe it’ll take some time apart
You’ve hurt me and I want to let it go
But something in my heart says I need this no more

Now That I'm Free

We had a fight not like any other
You made me cry and I don't need the bother
You came around with those sad eyes
But all I could say was goodbye
I just want you to know…

Now that I'm free
I only wish I didn't have to be
Now that I'm free
I only hope that you'll be here with me
Now that I'm free
You'll never know how much it hurts inside
Now that I'm free
I know the only one to blame is me

We pass each day and play like we don't know
There once was love but it don't even show
I hope that you can forget pain
And I will take away all the rain

I just want you to know…

Now that I'm free
You've got me wanting to be
Back with you
In your heart, in your soul, in your body
You make me whole
Now that I'm free

Now that I'm free your free
That's what's hurting me.